Grief Explored

I'm afraid this may turn into a slightly morbid post (the topic certainly is) but I'd like to explore the human emotion 'grief'. It's a shame, but most of us have that token 'I know someone who died a tragic death' story, or 'I know someone, who was related to someone, who knew someone, who died'. Unfortunately there's no getting away from death (our health system is good, but not that good and it doesn't make allowances for human idiocy, error or misjudgement). I won't go into great detail about my own personal experience (ain't nobody got time for that), but I would like to explore how it has changed me and shaped the person I am today.

I would argue that grief is the most potent of emotions. Even more so than love or fear. It is all-consuming and it engulfs you. It's suffocating. Of course, this is temporary. But this temporary emotion can shape your attitude and outlook permanently.

I remember the death of this person consuming my every waking (and sometimes unconscious) thought. It felt like there would never be a time when I wasn't thinking about it. Even now, 8 years later, I'd say I think about her at least once a week. There were times at the beginning when I wanted to believe in a greater power, in life after death, just for an element of comfort. This didn't last, believe me, but whenever I felt that need to 'pray' (not necessarily in the religious sense, but to have a moment to myself to think about what I am grateful for, or when I needed some inspiration) I would speak directly to her. She became my greater power. I know this is slightly ridiculous and it doesn't happen so much now, but at times of acute grief the need for explanation or further contact with said person is ever present and difficult to digest. Death at such a young age makes you appreciate how fragile life is.

What the experience has really done for me is made me realise how truly lucky I am to be here; to be living and succeeding in life. It's awful how much this is taken for granted. People focus far too much on money, image and how other people view them, but this matters so little when you're dead. I don't believe there's life after death - this is it guys! This is your one chance. To do what? Well, that's for you to decide. Referring back to my previous blog post 'Being 25', it's about figuring out what you enjoy, what you love to do, what you're passionate about. Find love; find something you excel at; have children; get married; get divorced; find love again; travel; read; write; study. Take a moment for yourself, consult your 'greater power' and figure out what balances you. What makes you happy? Age-old question, I know. But try.

Writing exposes you and I'm conscious (although trying not to be self-conscious) that this post does just that. It's pretty vague but I think there's a point in there somewhere amongst the rambling stream of consciousness. After all, writing is a form of therapy, so perhaps this post is just for me! But I wanted to deliver a positive message, too. And that is that life is full of possibilities. But it is also incredibly precious. Make the most of it, for yourself and for the people who never got the chance.

As a side note, I seem to be using brackets a lot. It appears to be my alter-ego (a less grammatically correct Alice). ANYWAY. Thank you, as always, for reading. I will probably review a book next, until I think of something else insightful to write about.

Alice x